This week, some personal experiences combined with one of the books I am reading has made me reflect on setbacks, rejection, adversity, and bumps in the road of life and how we deal with these when they come along. It has made me reflect on my own resilience, how I have responded when faced with adversity and used these as opportunities for reflection and growth. It has also made me grateful for each these experiences for while it is painful in the short term, I know that time and time again these have been used as motivation for continued growth and feeling my own personal drive for excellence.
Sorry you have finished second.
I think that most people have heard this phrase in over the course of their life whether it is through having applied for a job that they just missed out on, an audition for a part in show, or coming second in a competition. My personal experience is that the bitterest pill to swallow is when the phrase is combined with phrases like “you’ve just missed out”, “there is nothing I can give you feedback wise – you’re just unlucky as there was someone better”, or “we don’t know how you’ve missed out”. I can think of many times that I have experienced all of the above but I am grateful because everyone of these have provided me an opportunity for growth and show gratitude through my response to the disappointment. I believe that how I respond in these times is a reflection of my character and it is in these moments where who I truly I am needs to shine through. I am grateful for the people who provide me the opportunity to seek feedback to grow from these experiences and discuss the reasoning behind the decisions made. Interestingly, on a number of occasions I have found in doing this it has led to me being given other opportunities that open up in the future.
Drive for improvement.
I am reminded of a quote from “Batman – The Dark Knight Rises” about failure. “What do we do when a fall down – we get back up again” while it may seem so simple I do believe that it is one of the keys that I have always had to working through setbacks. Putting it simply, after a period of feeling disappointed, I reflect personally, receive feedback from people collectively, reflect again personally and then get back on with what’s in front of me. I must admit that my personality to prove people wrong also tends to kick in and I end up using the setback as motivation for further growth to try and not end up having the same result the next time round. I have done this many times: Hockey when I missed representing Western Australia due to not trialling well one year to come back and get selected the next; Music – missing out on the course I wanted to do and meeting with the people telling them I would be driven to succeed and pursue music which lead to me being offered a position when a withdrawal occurred; or in various roles at work. I am grateful for the ability to be able to not stay still and ruminate on what could have been, instead lifting my eyes back to the multiple other opportunities that are untapped out there waiting to be explored. Of course, this philosophy and ability would not have been possible (I believe) without the support of others around me.
People who have called me out.
I am grateful for the trusted people I have in my life, especially my wife who is also my best friend, my closest friends, mentors at work and family who speak truth into my life during these times. They all help me reflect by listening but also, when the time is right, provide encouragement with how I can grow – sometimes this means giving some hard truths and realities about how I need to grow and also asking the challenging questions as to whether certain opportunities align with my worldview and life philosophy – is it something that I would passionate about. It does go further than this though, right back to my childhood from my parents who would always be supportive but not allow us to dwell too long on disappointment. We were taught to embrace disappointment, acknowledge it and then move on. Control what is in your control and let the rest go, don’t worry about it.
I am grateful for these lessons, I do believe that it continues to help me deal with any setback that comes in life.
